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How to avoid a divorce; tips to save your marriage

Like any other relationship, marriage too needs to be worked on. While it is easy to break off things when they don’t go according to the plan, working on a marriage needs a lot of work. Here’s what to do to save your marriage

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Divorce rates are high globally. However, India fares better when it comes to numbers and the country has the lowest divorce, rate — less than one per cent — out of 1,000 marriages, only 13 ends in divorce. While the word is frowned upon today, divorce is a very common phenomenon. A stressful modern lifestyle has taken a toll. But there are many people who despite reaching the divorce stage want to make an effort to make it work.

Those who have ended up divorced, you will find that it is a new excuse. There are staggering excuses and each one is unique. But it is important to get past these excuses and try to resolve the problems that the couple may be facing. Remember, there is no easy way out to work on a relationship nor are there any shortcuts. Here’s how to avoid divorce and save a marriage.

Take control of the emotions

To make a marriage work is tough enough. Don’t add an emotional rollercoaster to it. In all likelihood, it will make the situation worse. Take a deep breath and focus on finding solutions to the problems that you and your spouse are facing. If emotions get the better of you, the resolution is going to be difficult and things will become one big mess.

Get motivation

Motivation is all you need when marital problems arise. Try and forget all that is happening even if it is for a few hours. Move on with your life like nothing is happening. You will end up with a fresh perspective on how to handle the problems. No problem has ever been solved with the person sitting and waiting for things to get better. You are the one to make them better. Believe that you can do so. If you need help, ask for it.

Identify problem

Look closely and find out where the problem is. Do not throw the blame game; things won’t get any better. Trying to get things that are affecting your marriage and change them.

Focus on the major problem

In a marriage, there are many things and issues that crop up and couples tend to dig deeper into a non-issue instead of focusing on the major problem. Dragging past problems will make matters worse. Concentrate on the main issue and try to work on it. Don’t try to work on everything all at once.

Be a good listener

There is a difference between listening and hearing. Listen to what your spouse is saying instead of just hearing. This will help you understand the issues you may be dealing with. Focus on holding good and healthy conversations without calling each other names.

Device new tactics to deal with issues

If you have been having problems for some time, something is really wrong with the approach tactics to your problems. Come up with new creative ways to work things out. Make a request on changes that you want the other to follow by explaining why these changes are necessary and important.

Build confidence

Stay focused on building self-esteem and confidence in your marriage. There are many married people who are unable to make changes because they lack confidence in carrying them out and prefer to let things be the way they are.

Welcome your differences

This is a common mistake that couples make — try to change their spouse to how they want them to be. One can do this but gradually and avoiding conflicts. Appreciate the differences and understand each other with the differences. Remember your marriage vows – such mein air dukh mein.

Silence works

Keeping quiet sometimes works wonders. This is a crucial weapon. This however does not mean ignoring your partner but being silent when things get heated. You need to know when to remain silent and when not to. Many issues are solved by letting go of things.

Always be honest

This is the mother of all tactics. Always be honest to yourself and your spouse when it concerns marriage. Dishonesty will cause problems. Try to be as honest as possible. If it is difficult to do so, try to be honest with an intermediary.

Be best of friend

Let friendship be the foundation of the marriage. Friends share everything and always try not to hurt each other. Friends respect each other. A long-lasting relationship is based on friendship. The same holds true with marriage.

Keep dating and show affection

Many couples stop dating once they get married. Dating means spending time together and doing things that you love together. When incorporated in marriage, it brings good memories and shuts out problems. Appreciating each other and showing affection. Affirm your feelings to each other.  An ‘I Love You note is critical.

Other dos and don’ts

Avoid disputes on little and irrelevant things like making noise when drinking tea, leaving the very best off the toothpaste and mild snoring. Resolve these minor problems by accepting each other. One of the best virtues is tolerance.

  • Always involve your spouse in big decisions like buying a car. This builds a sense of togetherness.
  • Keep in mind that the most important relationship is marriage. To rekindle the love, you should spend quality time together. Resolve small problems within your relationship together.
  • It is not possible to agree on everything 100 per cent. You have to agree to the difference.
  • If you have had an argument, always introspect. You need to apologise if you were at fault. Sometimes it makes sense to keep aside your self-esteem and ego.
  • You cannot change all the habits of your spouse. Try to accept your partner the way he/she is.

Why did you end up at the divorce stage?

It seems like yesterday that you took seven pheras and yet 10 years down the line you find that you are trying to stop your divorce? Marriage starts out happy and with lots of promises but once the honeymoon ends, other things take precedence. Pressures of work, school, kids, the house and even the in-laws can work against a good marriage. These pressures result in short fuses, things said are regretted later. Hence, it is important to choose your words wisely.

If you are serious about how you can stop your divorce then you need to be ready to pull out all the stops and put other things on hold and make stopping divorce number one priority. This means putting the spouse first; not the kids; not the in-laws; not the work and certainly not friends or hobbies.

Stop doing things to hurt your spouse. Instead, do things that will build a strong relationship. That means making adjustments in life. If you can’t do it on your own. Ask for help. Get the complete toolbox of marriage saving strategies specially designed for your situation.

Show how serious you are about changing the situation; keep track of any promises you make and slow things down. A healthy marriage is a life-long process.

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Lifestyle

6 indoor plants and their upkeep

While almost all green plants can be kept indoors, some plants need more attention than others. Here best indoor plants for home in India.

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best indoor plants for home in india
Source: @Safer Brand

While almost all green plants can be kept indoors, some plants need more attention than others which can be cumbersome if you have a busy schedule. But that doesn’t mean you can’t surround yourself with greenery. Let’s look at some best indoor plants for a home in India.

Rubber tree plant

It is fairly easy to maintain but is fussy when it comes to the amount of water it needs. Here is what you need to know if you have this plant. Rubber plants are rainforest specimens. While they need consistent moistness, they don’t want it to be soggy. Ensure that the pot the plant is in has adequate draining holes.

Use a dish under the pot lined with pebbles to catch extra water. This will keep the roots from sitting in water but provide the humidity as the water evaporates.

Croton plant

Its beautifully patterned leaves can brighten any space. Now that the rains are here in full force, it is important to ensure that you take care of all your plants. Overwatering can lead to root rot. An important thing to keep in mind is that the pot is well-drained. There is moisture in the air, overwatering will harm the plant. Croton also needs at least six to seven hours of sunshine but excess heat will damage its leaves. Try and keep the plant either East or West facing to make sure that the leaves don’t lose their colour.

English Ivy

It looks pretty and while it may look like it is an easy plant to look after, it is not the case. Like any other plant, this plant too will rot and its leaves will turn brown if you overwater them. Before you water it, check the soil. If it is moist, don’t water it. Make sure that the soil is loose and is kept in a well-drained pot. The plant grows in bright light but it is away from direct sunlight. It is a beautiful plan that can be kept inside the home; potting it in a hanging basket is an excellent way to enjoy the beauty of this plant.

Fern

The delicate curled leaves that unfurl into long, lacy fronds look pretty. Go into the forest and you will find ferns carpeting the floor. They also make a great houseplant. They can grow in any kind of pot — clay to hanging baskets to ceramic and don’t require full sun to thrive.

But Indian weather is different. A plant that may live happily in any other environment needs a lot of care here. They love moisture. During the rainy season make sure you don’t overwater the plant or the roots will rot. You can even spray water on the leaves to lock the moisture in. You can keep this plant in the bathroom or even the kitchen.

Green Aralia

One of the most important things to keep in mind if you have a green aralia is that it has to be kept away from cold drafts and windows during the winter months to ensure that it thrives. It needs a feed once every other month during the spring. During the summer months, the plant needs liquid fertiliser. However, be careful if you buy this plant; it is mildly toxic to humans and pets. Ingestion can lead to gastrointestinal irritation, nausea, vomiting and diarrhoea.

They are best as landscape plants. While watering aralia which is indoors, deep water is only when the soil is nearly dry. One of the most important things to keep in mind if you have a green aralia is that it has to be kept away from cold drafts and windows during the winter months to ensure that it thrives.

Pitcher plant

It is not always possible to ensure that the plant that you bring is going to live. Hence, it is important to take care of it properly. Let’s take the pitcher plant. So how does one take care of it if one wants to keep it indoors even if it is a carnivorous plant?

Depending on the species, some require full sunlight and those that originate in the floor of the rainforest may need filtered light. It requires moist soil, and keeps the potting soil moist, but not soggy. Allow the pot to drain thoroughly after watering and never let the pot stand in water or the roots will rot.

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Lifestyle

Mother’s Day 2022: Significance, history, and importance

Being a mother is a full-time job and gets no appreciation-one day where their worth is truly appreciated. Here’swhy we celebrate mothers day.

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Source: @TOI

Most of us know that Mother’s Day is celebrated every second Sunday in May. But did you know why we celebrate mothers day? The whole idea behind Mother’s Day is to honour the mother of the family, to celebrate motherhood, maternal bonds, and the important role that they play in shaping society.

Why we celebrate mothers day?

It is said that the need to celebrate this day arose in the 1900s. Back then a daughter – Anna Jarvis, daughter of Ann Reeves Jarvis – to honour the sacrifices made by the mothers made for their children started this holiday.

It is said that Jarvis organized the first Mother’s Day service of worship and celebration at Andrews Methodist Episcopal Church in Grafton, West Virginia, the US which serves as the International Mother’s Day Shrine today.

Did you also know that different countries celebrate this day in different months? Some countries celebrate this day in March. Mother’s Day in Egypt is celebrated on March 21, the first day of spring in the northern hemisphere. In Georgia Mother’s Day is celebrated on March 3.

In some countries, the date is adopted to signify religion, like Virgin Mary Day in Catholic countries. Other countries selected a date with historical significance. For example, Bolivia’s Mother’s Day is a fixed date, commemorating a battle in which women participated to defend their children. Or in Russia where it is celebrated as International Women’s Day instead of Mother’s Day.

In India, the concept of celebrating Mother’s Day is new. This could be because we have traditionally been respectful of our mothers and have been revering them for generations.

We didn’t need to set a single day aside for them. But then, we (Indians) tend to ape the West and what the West does needs to be done back home.

Irrespective of how and when Mother’s Day is celebrated worldwide, children go out of their way to make this a special day for their mother. Lunches, treats and gifts are part and parcel of this day’s celebration.

What can you do? Here are some mothers day 2022 gift ideas

For the foodie mom

If your mother is a foodie a last-minute gift can be a meal subscription box that speaks to your mom’s interests. The subscription boxes are becoming popular across India as they select the finest and latest products every month and ship them across to their clients.

As a gift, you can opt for ingredients, or complete meals, including gourmet food and global cuisine. Innovative subscription boxes share recipes and exquisitely packaged boxes that can be used as a collector’s item.

If your mother is all about fitness

If your mom has been looking to shed some weight, a gym membership is a great gift! There are several gyms in each city that offer membership. This would help your mother work.

If your mother is all about looking good

A woman’s body goes through many changes, and protein is quintessential to cope with it. One can gift herbal products to the mother for that perfect skin that will keep her young at heart forever!

 

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Lifestyle

5 health benefits of dancing, you might not want to miss

You see it on TV or in films. But did you know that the art form has several benefits of dance movement therapy as well? Read on

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Dance is the purest expression of emotion. World over, dancing has a different meaning for different people and cultures. But there is one thing that is common across the board — it is an expression of one’s emotions through movement. These movements are not always graceful or beautiful and most people don’t even understand them, it’s tough to see a perspective on one’s dance.

What Dance Symbolise:

But dancing is extremely therapeutic. Dance therapy can use various hand movements and creative expressions to promote socio-emotional, cognitive, and somatic integration.

This is based on the idea that the body and mind are inextricably linked. It aids in self-expression, resulting in a shift in an individual’s overall functioning.

One has to remember that dance movement therapy isn’t just for dancers, and it’s certainly not a dance class. A dance lesson emphasises style and form, whereas dance movement therapy does not. In the latter, people aren’t judged on how well they execute the steps or how they appear while dancing.

 

In dance movement therapy, people are encouraged to communicate their feelings and thoughts while moving during dance movement therapy sessions.

Dance treatments are used in a variety of settings, including health, education, and social services, in the public, private, and nonprofit sectors.

It may be recommended as a primary service or as a complement to other forms of ongoing treatment, rehabilitation or education. The therapy can be short- or long-term. Engaging an individual does not require any dance skills or training just the willingness to move. The focus is on the therapeutic process.

Here’s how it can help

Help differently-abled

Dance therapy can help individuals, with different abilities, capacities and life conditions since it works with their bodies at that particular phase of life.

Benefit kids with autism, ADHD

People with developmental, medical, social, physical, and psychological problems benefit from dance movement therapy.

It has been used to assist persons with learning impairments, and neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism, and ADHD, among others.

Alzheimer’s disease, dementia, Parkinson’s disease, cancer, mood and anxiety disorders, eating disorders, mobility disorders, sensory processing disorders, trauma, and even violence prevention are just some of the conditions that can be treated.

Dance movement therapy can help those who are battling communication challenges, body image issues, chronic pain, and adjustment issues.

Communication tool

As language is not a barrier to movement, it can be used in individual, couple, family, and group therapy forms with people of different ages, races, and ethnic backgrounds.

Leads to self-awareness

Self-awareness, self-perception, confidence, producing a sense of peace, relational talents, and mindfulness are all benefits of dance therapy. It has been shown to reduce pressure, anxiety, and nerves, as well as feelings of disengagement and body strain.

Faster recovery

Dance movement aids in the learning of how to transform nonverbal movements into insights that can be applied to one’s recovery process.

Each one of us can move, each one of us has a movement language — we call it body language. All of us can dance! The idea of this therapy is getting aware of your body, feeling, accepting, and working on yourself.

People in dance movement therapy are not required to start dancing as soon as the music starts, unlike in a dance class. It’s all about the journey, not the destination!

Disclaimer: The idea of this article is to create awareness and is not meant to be followed without a doctor’s proper advice.

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